


i'm not a burglar, i swear

by MissMairin



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cats, First Meetings, Gen, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-09
Updated: 2015-08-09
Packaged: 2018-04-13 18:08:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4531995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMairin/pseuds/MissMairin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Koutarou's cat has a habit of destroying things. One day, the cat sneaks into Keiji's apartment, and it goes absolutely terribly, but then again, what did you expect?</p><p>(Alternatively titled: the worst first meeting known to mankind.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'm not a burglar, i swear

**Author's Note:**

> this was SO MUCH FUN to write honestly it's probably my favorite fic i've ever done!! pls enjoy as much as i did!
> 
> based on the prompt from tumblr: 
> 
> my stupid cat sneaked out on the balcony and into your open window and he has this habit of destroying furniture and pissing everywhere so i followed him inside and you came home earlier than i expected and found me in the middle of your living room but i swear i’m not a burglar ok

 

“What -- what are you doing, Taz, no, wait, no, _stop_ , Taz don’t you dare, _wait,_ \--” Koutarou ranted, cutting himself off with frustration as his cat jumped from his balcony to the next door apartment’s ledge. He followed his cat, determined to grab him before they both fell five stories to their deaths.

 

It wouldn’t have been such a big deal, Taz had done this a couple times before, except this time was different. The balcony the cat had sneaked onto had an open window and that was just asking for trouble.

 

Koutarou had owned Taz for two years at that point and had yet to completely potty train the cat. He was convinced the cat just liked messing with him, because he had caught Taz using the litter box when he thought he wasn’t being watched. From then on, everytime Koutarou watched Taz use the restroom, the cat made it a point to pee on everything Koutarou loved. His couches, his blankets left on the floor, his shoes in the closet. Everything.

 

If that wasn’t horrible enough on its own, Taz liked to destroy furniture, too. Most of Koutarou’s, if not all, wooden dining chairs had claw marks on the legs and some of them were missing entire chunks of wood. Taz was a devil cat who enjoyed causing trouble, but when he curled up next to his owner at night and purred in time to Koutarou’s heartbeat, it really was hard not to love the cat.

 

(Plus, he was secretly a big softie.)

 

In fact, he had found Taz dumpster diving behind the apartment buildings. They had instantly had some sort of connection, and the deadly mix of cute-devil cat and puppy eyes (or in this case, kitty-cat eyes) quickly found Taz living in his apartment. Within the first day, he had knocked over one of Koutarou’s favorite coffee mugs, shattering it into pieces and completely unrolled the toilet paper. It was clear that wherever Taz went, destruction followed.

 

(Taz was short for Tasmanian devil.)

 

Koutarou shook himself out of his nostalgia. There was no time for this, Taz was about to enter the apartment and do who-knows-what to whatever poor sap who lived there. He needed to stop this before anything got out of hand and he was kicked out of his apartment.

 

Swinging himself over to the balcony next to his, Koutarou cautiously knocked on the window to alert anyone to his presence. When there was no answer, he quickly scrambled through the open window and went to locate Taz. Luckily, it wasn’t too difficult, and just in time, too. Taz had began to claw at the bottom of the couch when Koutarou scooped him into his arms, ignoring his meows of protest.

 

Just as he turned to head back to his apartment, Taz cradled in his arms, Koutarou heard the unmistakable sound of metal keys jingling. It happened in slow motion, or at least, that’s what it felt like. Frozen in place, all he could do was watch in horror as the door to the apartment opened and a person walked into the room.

 

To be fair, the person was just as surprised to see Koutarou as he was to be caught in the apartment. The person, a young man around his age with shaggy dark hair, stopped in his tracks, his expression twisting in shock.

 

The first thing he noticed about the young man was that he was incredibly pretty, and under any other circumstances, he would have taken time to appreciate the beauty. It was too bad he had other things to worry about, especially since this young man was watching him with confused and piercing eyes.

 

Koutarou had seen this in movies before. If he didn’t come up with a reasonable excuse, this person would call the police and then where would he be? In jail, that’s where. For a solid two minutes, the two men stood still, Koutarou trying to come up with an excuse, all the while his cat was squirming like crazy. He could tell the resident of the apartment the truth, how he trespassed to _save the apartment from a demon cat,_ but really, who would believe that?  No one, that’s who.

 

Excuses filtered through his mind, each more stupid than the last. If only Kuroo had been there, he was great at coming up with something to say on the spot. It didn’t really help that this person was both beautiful and intimidating, enough for him to trip on his words in a normal situation.

 

As a last grab to keep control of the situation, Koutarou opened his mouth to say the explanation he had decided on. Really, the excuse was golden. Unfortunately, luck was not on his side that night, and Taz jumped out of his arms with a snarl and stalked off through the living room. Both men watched in mutual silence as the cat wandered over to the couch and jumped on top, squatting down.

 

Koutarou blinked.

 

_Please, god, no, please don’t let him do this please no no NO --_

 

A quiet hissing sound was heard and the fabric underneath Taz slowly turned a shade darker, spreading out until the cat stood back up and moved away from the now wet spot on the couch. Taz turned to survey his handiwork and promptly plopped down on the other cushion, curling up into a ball and taking a nap. Koutarou was absolutely mortified, his entire face burning bright red.

 

All rational thoughts left him and the only thing he knew was that he was going to jail, all because of his stupid fucking cat. If he could maybe spit out an apology, or his explanation, maybe even a charming joke, all of this would go away. Everything would be fine, he wouldn’t go to jail, and he wouldn’t have to worry about his undeniable attractiveness and the rumored showers in prison. He’d be perfectly fine.

 

Unfortunately, what came out of his mouth was none of the above:

 

“... I swear I’m not a burglar.”

 

The other man turned his sharp gaze to Koutarou, and he felt a horrible sense of foreboding. Maybe he wouldn’t be the one to go to jail. Maybe, this man in front of him, the owner of the apartment, would murder him and, failing to adequately hide the body, would go to jail instead of Koutarou. Both options didn’t sound ideal to him, but then again, his cat had literally just _pissed on this guy’s couch_. He couldn’t blame this guy if he wanted to kill him. In fact, maybe he’d just jump off the balcony and make this entire thing easier for everyone involved. It’d save Koutarou from this horrible embarrassment, that was for sure.

 

For a split second, Koutarou thought he saw the man’s expression soften, a crinkle near his eyes, like he was trying not to laugh. _I’m imagining things,_ he reasoned to himself as the person standing in front of him continued to frown, _I’m putting a positive spin on this, trying to convince myself I won’t be thrown off the balcony because Taz is a terrible cat._

 

They stared at each other again, and Koutarou was feeling more awkward than he had ever felt before. That was an accomplishment on its own. After a long while of silence, he heard the man let out a long breath. It wasn’t quite a sigh, more like the type of breath one does to calm themselves down.

 

“I can see that,” the man finally responded, his lips twitching just the tiniest bit. It had been so long since Koutarou had spoken that he took a moment to remember what he had said. The man chuckled, a soft sound that made his shoulders move up and down slightly. Koutarou was immediately fond of the sounds this man made, especially his gentle voice.  “Does your cat pee on everyone’s couch, or am I just special?”

 

“I’ve had five couches in the past two years,” Koutarou immediately blurted out as an explanation. The man’s lips twitched up just a bit further into a smile and Koutarou could feel himself relax. His body released all of his tension and instead switch to the anxiety of being in the presence of such a beautiful person. He rubbed his neck and tried to continue the conversation, “But yours is the only couch besides mine that Taz had peed on. So, I guess you’re special.”

 

Koutarou smiled at the man, who was smiling back at him. He had thought they were having a nice moment when a loud fart echoed through the living room. It wasn’t hard to place the culprit as Taz. His expression turned to disgust as he glared at his cat curled up on the couch. That was just like Taz to ruin the moment -- whatever type of moment they were having.

 

The dark haired man coughed to cover up a laugh and took a moment to compose himself, a neutral expression falling back into place. He took a few steps forward and extended his hand to Koutarou, introducing himself as, “Akaashi Keiji.”

  
“I’m Bokuto Koutarou,” he replied as he took Keiji’s hand and shook it. Their hands dropped awkwardly and Koutarou glanced at the ruined couch. He smiled sheepishly and added, “I guess I’ll be buying you a new couch. What’s your favorite color?”


End file.
